ATLANTA, Jennifer and Phillip watched The Voice together.
Sammy Davis jr. helped a young woman prepare for her battle round with a teammate.
Jennifer felt somewhat on edge.
Yesterday, the show had been interrupted by some pranksters. They popped on the screen while two contestants sang Madonna's "Like a Prayer." The singers disappeared and were replaced by two college-aged men who looked like they were in the woods. "I hope we're not interrupting anything important!" one of them said.
The other said, "we just want to say hello!" They then said hi to a long list of friends.
"We miss you guys!" the first one said.
"But it's great here!," the other added.
Then they had vanished, and The Voice had resumed.
"That was ignorant," Phillip had grumbled.
Later it was mentioned on the news. Apparently, it was the fifth time the spirit world had made contact via television. The first had been a very local thing. Something in Australia. The spirits appeared on only one television. Then in China, someone had reached a whole city. Australia then had a national broadcast from a young couple who had died after getting lost in the wilderness. Then, a couple of days ago, some Americans interrupted an episode of Days of Our Lives.
So far, this episode of The Voice was free from interruptions. Jennifer didn’t like the feeling of apprehension, though. It was like waiting for a Jack-in-the-box to pop out. She decided she would go check on her youngest daughter.
***
During the next commercial break, she stood up and started walking out of the den.
"Where're you going?" Phillip asked.
"I'm going to check on Taylor."
"You don't want to watch the show with me?"
"I'll be back," she said.
He nodded.
Taylor's door was closed. Since returning from school, she spent a lot of time in her room. Jennifer understood this was typical for college kids.
She could hear Taylor walking. She did that a lot.
Jennifer was very impressed with her daughter's dedication. And maybe she was a tiny bit jealous of her weight loss. Taylor’s willpower was incredible.
Taylor opened the door. She was wearing gym clothes and sweating. “Hi,” she said.
"Are you still exercising?" Jennifer asked..
"Yeah."
"How many miles have you done today?"
"Eleven."
"Wow!" Jennifer was proud of her daughter; but again…a little jealous. Maybe a little left out in the cold. They used to be close to the same size.
Not anymore.
"Do you mind if I keep walking?" Taylor asked. "You can come in and talk to me if you want."
"Okay," Jennifer said. "Though I told your father I'd be back."
Taylor nodded; then she walked across the room. She began pacing back and forth.
Jennifer watched her. Then Phillip appeared. Jennifer apologized to him.
"Doesn't matter," he said. "The show's over. Those jerks from yesterday interrupted again."
"I heard about that," Taylor said as she continued to walk. "It makes me scared to watch TV."
"Don't be a fool," Phillip said with a laugh.
Taylor shrugged her shoulders as she walked.
"It's going to be fine," Phillip said. "You can't let losers rule your life with their stupid pranks."
"True," Jennifer said.
Taylor kept pacing.
"We're very proud of you," Phillip said. "All this weight stuff. It's good to take care of your health."
"Thanks," Taylor said, blushing a bit.
Jennifer felt a little jealous. Resentful. It was nice of Phillip to compliment Taylor. Yet she wished….
She wondered if she should try to lose some weight as well. Maybe Taylor could help her? It could be something they do together. She decided to talk to Taylor about it later.
"Hey, you know," Phillip said. "You deserve some kind of reward for your hard work."
Taylor stopped for a moment and looked at him. Then she went back to walking.
"Why don't you and your mother have a day out tomorrow. Shopping. Get a new wardrobe. Show off the fact that you look like a model now".
Taylor smiled. She looked happy but also a little embarrassed. She turned to Jennifer. "What do you think?"
"That sounds great!" Jennifer said, though she had actually planned on a solo shopping trip tomorrow. “And we'll have lunch."
Taylor looked uncomfortable. Nervous. "I'd rather eat at home. Is that okay?"
Jennifer had no problem with this.
"I like when you try to save us money," Phillip said, laughing.
***
That night, Jennifer dreamed about a buffet that had only chicken noodle soup and chocolate cake.
She was about to dig in but then was awakened by fireworks.
People were already celebrating the 4th of July? It was still weeks away.
She closed her eyes and fell back to sleep.
Unfortunately the cake and soup dream were gone. A new dream had her at a concert, in London, with her son's husband.
Then she was awakened again. This time by sirens.
She got out of bed and looked out the window. Two police cars and an ambulance drove past their house, stopping a few doors down.
"What's going on?" Phillip asked from the bed.
"Something's happening," she replied. "To the…" What's their name again? "Two houses down."
"The Schneiders?"
"Yes," she said, although she wasn’t absolutely sure.
"I suppose I should check it out." Phillip got out of bed and put on pants and a shirt. Jennifer watched as he walked out.
Jennifer then got up and threw on a bra under her sleep clothes.
She passed Taylor's room. The light was on. She heard Taylor pacing back and forth. She knocked on the door; then opened it a crack. "You haven't gone to sleep?" Jennifer asked, a bit concerned. "It was great to exercise a lot but not at the expense of sleeping.” She'd seen studies. Lack of sleep led to weight gain. Did Taylor not know this?
"I just woke up," Taylor said. "The sirens. And…were those gunshots before?"
Oh, so maybe people weren't practicing for the 4th.
"I don't know," Jennifer said.
Taylor kept pacing. "Are you going to check it out?"
"Your dad's doing that now."
"Should we go with him?"
"Maybe." But then Jennifer realized this might not be a good idea. "Why don't you stay here? It might not be safe."
Jennifer expected Taylor to argue, but she didn't. "Okay." She continued walking. Pacing. She seemed relieved to be able to keep doing that.
"Get some sleep," Jennifer said.
"I will. I'm just going to finish this mile."
Jennifer smiled at her daughter; then went downstairs. She walked out of the house and found Phillip and a neighbor talking to the police. It's..What was her name again? Mrs. Walker. Yes. That was it. She was sweet. Elderly. Crying now. Phillip had his arms around her, comforting her.
Jennifer stepped in closer and heard her husband answering the police officer's questions. No one seemed to notice her approaching.
"What's going on?" Jennifer asked as she took her place next to her husband.
Mrs. Walker sniffled loudly. "It's awful."
"I'll tell you when we're done here," Phillip said, somewhat dismissively.
Jennifer knew there were more important things right now than her feeling left out. She went inside and waited for Phillip.
***
Jennifer later learned what happened.
Amy and Richard Schneider and their two young daughters were all shot to death.
"It looks like it was a murder-suicide,” Phillip said.
"Oh my God." Jennifer didn’t know what else to say.
"Damn it," Phillip said. "He was having financial problems. They were going to lose the house."
This was all new to Jennifer.
"I told him he could borrow some money. No strings attached."
"That was very nice of you," Jennifer said. It was something she had to say a lot. Her husband was very generous.
"He refused. The stupid jerk. He let pride get in the way. I suppose he thought it would be better to massacre his family." Phillip shook his head in disgust.
***
Jennifer had trouble getting back to sleep.
She snuck out of their bedroom and went to her office, so she could talk to Trisha on her laptop.
On FaceTime, Trisha wore a Tiara which was new.
"I like your Tierra," Jennifer said.
"Thank you! I just learned how to do it."
All their clothes, food and other paraphernalia was imagined into being. Trisha had explained it all to Jennifer who had struggled to understand. Years ago, Trisha had given up her 1970's clothes for modern fashion. Her style of dress seemed to depend on her mood. Sometimes she dressed like a fourteen year-old, her age at death. Other times, she dressed like a woman in her sixties, the age she would have been if she hadn't been murdered.
Tonight she looked youthful.
"You probably saw what happened." Jennifer said.
"Well, I know what happened, because Phillip was talking about it. But I didn't see it happen. I usually stay in the house with you guys."
"I can somewhat understand why people would want to kill themselves."
"I don't," Trisha said. "I wish everyday that I was still alive." She had a dreamy look in her eye. "It would be perfect. I bet your family would have still moved into our neighborhood. Just not in our house. We would have been friends. We would have sleepovers. Then we'd grow up and go on double dates. You'd be my maid of honor. We'd babysit each other's kids."
Jennifer loved hearing Trisha's sweet little fantasy. Although she wondered if they would have actually been friends. Trisha would have been four years older than her. She had a feeling the age gap might have gotten in the way.
"No, Trisha continued. "I can't understand why anyone would kill themselves. It's very wrong. I’ve heard the OtherSide is beautiful. But you go there when God decides it's time for you to leave the earth. You don't decide to go on your own."
God. Jennifer had asked about God before. Trisha was always vague and evasive about the subject. Jennifer wasn’t going to ask again. Instead she decided to ask: "When do you think you'll go to the Other Side?"
Trisha looked sad for a moment. "I don't know. I should go soon. But I feel compelled to wait for you."
"We can still talk if you go, Jennifer said.
"Right." Trisha nodded. "But I like being able to watch you. I like being here with you. I'm very attached to you and Zoe and Taylor. I would hate not to be able to see you whenever I wanted. I feel like I'm part of your family. Is that stupid?"
"Not at all," Jennifer said. "It's very sweet." And it did make sense to her. She figured it was similar to how she got attached to TV shows. You get attached to the characters. You want to see what happens next.
"Thank you," Trisha said. "I hope you don't think I'm a pest."
"Not at all," Jennifer said honestly. "I love having you around." Her eyes then drifted to the clock on the computer. It was very late.
She and Trisha said their goodbyes. Then she went back to the master bedroom and got a few hours of sleep.
***
Upon waking, Jennifer drank coffee in an attempt to save herself from exhaustion.
She watched as Taylor used her food scale to measure out some oatmeal.
Taylor added a pinch of almonds, a pinch of raisins, and a drop of honey. Then she recorded it all on her food diary app.
Jennifer considered downloading the app. If it worked for Taylor, maybe it would work for her as well.
Phillip turned on the television in the den. They could see it from the kitchen. They saw their own neighborhood on the news; then photos of the Schneider family. One of their daughters clutched a Sully stuffed animal from Monsters Inc.
The newscaster told the story of what had happened. According to their suicide note, not only were they having financial trouble but little Kelly had been distressed over long division at school. And Annie had recently gotten into trouble for bullying. Though their suicide note claimed it was she who had been bullied first.
The newscaster talked about how suicide rates had risen in the last year by 15%.
"And it keeps climbing," she said. "Just last week…."
The newscaster vanished and was replaced by darkness. Then slowly the darkness lightened and the Schneider family appeared. They didn’t look distressed. They looked happy. Amused. Kelly and Annie did a little dance; then turned around to wiggle their little butts into the camera.
"What the hell?" Phillip said.
Mr. Schneider grins triumphantly. "We’re free!"
Mrs. Schneider shyly waved.
Mr. Schneider put his arm around his wife. He started to sing an 80's TV theme song. It sounded familiar to Jennifer, but she couldn’t remember the name. Mrs. Schneider started to sing along with him.
The daughters giggled and started to dance again.
Phillip turned off the TV. He glared at the remote. "That's it," he said. "We're getting rid of this damn thing."
***
Jennifer drove Taylor to Neiman Marcus at PeachTree mall; her credit card ready for a workout.
Phillip had suggested she also buy a few things for herself.
Maybe she would.
Probably not. Today was for Taylor. For working so hard to lose weight.
Maybe after Jennifer lost some weight, she’d buy some things.
They walked through the parking lot. Taylor had insisted on Jennifer parking far from the store. "It's good exercise," she had said.
Taylor opened the door for Jennifer when they arrived at the entrance. Very polite.
Jennifer thanked her. Jennifer tried to remember the last time she's gone on a shopping trip with one of her kids.
It was….
Oh. Last February. She had taken Zoe who had needed dresses for Arthur's weddings. No Neiman Marcus that time. Zoe shied away from very expensive clothes.
"I'll just end up with a stain." She had reminded Jennifer that she worked in daycare. "I usually come home a mess," she had said.
Jennifer reminded her the dresses were for the wedding, not work.
"Yeah, but I spill things whether I'm with kids or adults. It doesn't matter."
"I thought it was the kids who were spilling things."
"Sometimes they do. But not as much as me."
They had both laughed. Jennifer liked that Zoe could laugh at herself. She felt relaxed around her. She liked being with Taylor too, of course. It was just that Taylor was a little more intense. She was less likely to laugh at herself and more likely to be offended at a harmless comment.
"Can I get some bras?" Taylor interrupted Jennifer's thoughts. "Mine are kind of too big,"
"Of course," Jennifer said
They headed to the lingerie department. After less than five minutes of looking at bras, a sales associate approached them. "Do you need help with a fitting?"
Taylor looked at her mother as if seeking permission.
The sales clerk said, "Did you know 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size?"
"I think I heard that somewhere," Jennifer replied.."
I can help you not be one of the statistics." She winked at Jennifer.
Taylor looked troubled.
No, maybe she was just confused. Or considering whether she wanted her breasts measured. Whatever. She looked unsure of things. It was hard sometimes for a mother to read her daughter's mind.
"What do you think?" Jennifer finally asked. "Do you want to be measured?"
"Sure," Taylor said. As they headed to the dressing room, Jennifer explained the situation to the sales associate. "She's lost a lot of weight."
"Really?" the sales associate said. "On purpose?"
"Yes," Taylor said.
"Oh. Good. I just wanted to make sure. I didn't want to congratulate you and then find out you had cancer."
Yikes. Jennifer hadn't thought of that. "Although, these days, cancer seemed much less like the end of the world.
"I have a friend with ovarian cancer. She's been through chemo, lost her hair. There's so much pain. If I was her, I'd just check out. You know what I mean?"
"Sure," Jennifer said in an effort to be polite.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be rambling like this." She looked at Taylor as they stepped into the dressing room area. "So how much weight have you lost?"
"Twenty-five pounds," Taylor said.
"Fantastic!" the sales associate said. "Congratulations. Are you on Weight Watchers? Jenny Craig?"
"No," Taylor said. "I just do my own thing. Weigh my food. Exercise a lot."
"Well, you look amazing. And I'm so impressed you're following your own thing. You should write your own diet book. People make millions doing that."
Taylor gave a little laugh. The sales associate asked her to take off her shirt.
Jennifer worried this would embarrass Taylor. She could be shy sometimes about her body. Well, what woman isn't? But to her surprise, Taylor seemed to totally lack modesty. She pulled off her shirt and stood there.
Her breasts looked small.
The sales associate measured. After a moment, she reported back. "Looks like you're 32A."
"What were you before?" Jennifer asked.
"34B? Sometimes C." Taylor said. She seemed quite pleased with herself.
Jennifer wasn’t sure how she'd feel about her breasts shrinking. Though after some thinking, she decided she'd be happy to trade in her 36D's for smaller hips and thighs.
***
The sales associate found some bras. Taylor tried them on. She picked out three that she liked.
Jennifer paid for them.
Taylor didn’t say thank-you. Jennifer figured she had just forgotten. Taylor looked happy with the purchase, and maybe that was thanks enough.
They went to look at dresses. Taylor picked out a dress with a black and white print and orange and blue accents; a blue and white dress; and a short purple dress that really showed off her legs. She didn’t look at the price tags. Zoe would do that. Definitely. The two girls were so different. Jennifer expected Taylor to like one of the dresses. She was picky about things. Nope. She ended up liking all three dresses. "Can I get three?"
"Sure," Jennifer said. She did hope to get a thank you, though.
***
When the thank you didn’t come, Jennifer started to relate to Phillip's anger at people's lack of gratitude.
Now Taylor wanted to look at shirts and pants. Sure. That was fine. Except, Jennifer was hungry. She knew they planned to eat at home but now She was feeling a little light-headed. Plus, she really loved the cafe at Neiman's. The chicken broth. The popovers….
She asked Taylor if they could eat first.
Taylor looked very uncomfortable. Nervous. Maybe even scared?
She pleaded with her daughter. "You can have a salad?"
"It's just I like to weigh things."
"Maybe you should carry a scale around in your purse." She joked but then realized it might not be too bad of an idea. Were they available?
"I guess I could go off my diet," Taylor said. "I do that every so often."
"It's not like you're going to go crazy," Jennifer assured her. "It'll be fine. Just tell them you don't want the popover."
"Okay," Taylor said.
***
Everyone at the cafe looked so beautiful.
There were other mothers and daughters.
One girl was even thinner than Taylor. Almost too thin. It looked like she could have anorexia. Jennifer glanced at Taylor.
Taylor watched the skinny girl.
"I hope you don't get that thin," Jennifer whispered.
Taylor didn’t seem to hear her.
Jennifer decided not to say it again. She didn’t want to be heard by other people.
***
They sat and get the menus.
Jennifer had forgotten that the menu items had their calories listed.
Taylor was pleased. "I wish all restaurants did this," she said.
Jennifer was less excited about the practice. The Gotham salad had sounded delicious. She loved gruyere cheese. But seeing that it was 900 calories was somewhat of a deterrent. Would Taylor split it with her?
No. The 450 calories was way too much for Taylor. She was going to order the 170 calorie soup.
Jennifer considered being as good as her daughter; then changed her mind. She went for the shrimp salad. 360 calories.
When it was her turn to order, Taylor asked about the accuracy of the calorie-count.
"I think it's reasonably accurate," the waitress said. "It might be a few calories less or more."
"Well, can you ask that they don't give me too much?"
"Sure thing.” The waitress smiled, but it seemed like a forced smile.
Taylor was being a bit intense. But that was okay. Jennifer was used to it.
When the waitress left, they had one of those silent moments. Jennifer watched Taylor stroke her fork. It was creepy, like she was petting the thing.
"So…you've got three bras, two dresses. I think we've done pretty good so far."
"Yes," Taylor said. Then she looked a bit panicked. "Did I thank you yet?"
Oh. Thank God. Jennifer felt very relieved. She hadn’t raised a horrible, ungrateful daughter after all.
"Maybe not." She tried to sound casual.
"I am so sorry. You know I'm grateful, right? I'm very thankful. Oh my God, you must think I'm a spoiled brat. I AM a spoiled brat. Crap. I'm so sorry, Mom."
Jennifer didn’t know if it was her relief or Taylor's groveling that got to her. But something had. Her eyes filled with tears. "I know, Sweetie."
"Oh, Mom," Taylor became teary-eyed too. “Thank you."
"You're very welcome," Jennifer said with a sniffle.
"I love you," Taylor whispered through her tears.
Jennifer loved being a mom. For a moment, she felt awful for all the women who never took the chance to have children. What was life without daughters and sons?
***
A waitress came by with the popovers and broth. It wasn’t the same one who took her order.
"No, thank you." Taylor said.
"Oh come on”, the waitress said.. "It's world famous. And you look like you could use the calories."
Jennifer's tempted to tell this pathetic know-it-all busybody to mind her own business.
To her shock, Taylor accepted the popover. "Okay," she said.. "I'll just have a bite or two. Taste it."
"Good girl," the waitress said. "You won't be sorry."
Jennifer tried to eat slowly. Savor the delicacies. She's read that eating slowly was one key to weight loss.
Before she knew it, both the broth and popover were gone.
She looked up at Taylor's food and was shocked to see her popover and soup were gone as well. Where did it go? "Did you–"
Taylor looked embarrassed. "Sorry. I lost a little bit of control."
Jennifer laughed, because it was kind of funny.
Taylor worried so much about the salad and then she had eaten the entire popover. How many calories was in that? "You're a bit naughty," she said.
"Sorry." Taylor didn’t seem amused.
"You don't have to be sorry." She wished her daughter would relax. "It's not a big deal."
"I shouldn't have eaten so much."
"It's not that much," Jennifer said
Taylor didn’t seem convinced.
"Just do a little extra exercising tonight." She hoped that would reassure her.
Taylor nodded.
***
Jennifer expected her to not eat her soup—make up for the calories she got elsewhere. But Taylor did eat the soup. Rather quickly.
After the soup was gone, Taylor continued to scrape off drops from the bottom of the bowl.
"Do you want dessert as well?" Jennifer joked..
To her surprise, Taylor took her up on the offer.
They got a carrot cake. Taylor ate more than her share.
"Slow down," Jennifer joked. "You might not fit into your new dresses."
Zoe would have laughed at this. Taylor didn’t. She put down her fork.
"I was just playing," Jennifer said.
"I shouldn't have eaten so much," Taylor said. "I lost control." She looked so damn ashamed.
"We all do that sometimes," Jennifer said. "Don't worry about it so much."
Taylor nodded. But she looked so sad. And worried.
They didn’t talk much as they waited for the bill.
Jennifer paid it.
Taylor remembered to say thank you this time.
***
They left the cafe.
"Are you ready for more shopping?"
"Sure," Taylor said
They headed back to the women's department.
"Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you mind if we skip the rest of the shopping? I'm feeling kind of gross."
"Of course," Jennifer said. "We can do more another day.
***
As soon as they got home, Taylor changed into her running clothes.
She left the house and came back an hour later drenched in sweat. She didn’t join Phillip and Jennifer for dinner. As they ate, Jennifer could hear Taylor pacing upstairs.
"She's very dedicated to exercising," Phillip said. "Which is good. But I'm not in support of her missing family dinners. It's rude."
"It's just one dinner." Jennifer felt the need to defend her daughter.
"We do a lot for that girl. How much money did you spend on her today?" Phillip didn’t wait for an answer. "The point is she can show a little respect."
Continue to Chapter Thirteen
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